3 Simple Ways for Parents and Teens to Connect
February 12, 2009 by Cassandra Rae · View Comments
Connecting during the teen years is one of the biggest challenges for teens and parents alike. There are heightened emotions, power struggles, conflicting values, hectic schedules, and technology barriers. But, staying connected is also one of the most important factors. Here are three simple ways you can connect with your teen:
Simple Way #1: Share Something about Yourself
Get the ball rolling in your connection by sharing something about yourself with your teen. You don´t need to share your deepest, darkest secret (in fact, I advise you against it), but please do share something real. You are leading the way in the depth of your connection and believe me, your teen knows when you are being real. You can talk about something that happened at work, a story you heard on the radio, or something you read on the front page of Yahoo (this is a great way to find an interesting topic, by the way!). But, be sure to include how you feel about it or what your thoughts are – something that´s specific to you. Many parents expect their teens to open up without reciprocating. It simply doesn´t work. It´s very important to give what you want to receive in your relationship with your teen. Relationships are two-way streets…even parent/teen ones.
Simple Way #2: Ask an Open Ended Question
Keep the ball rolling in your connection by following up with a thought provoking and interesting question like, “What was the best or worst part of your day?” Simply avoid the standards like, “How are you?” and “How was your day?” You will get one-word answers like “fine” and “boring”. And remember, if you ask a yes or no question, then you will get a yes or no answer and nothing more. Get creative and curious. Dare I say, even playful with your questions!
Simple Way #3: Be Quiet and Listen
Okay, this is quite possibly the most challenging Simple Way because we parents love to give advice, offer solutions, and just plain old talk! But, this is not the time to talk. This is the time to listen. Listening with an open mind and heart is one of the most respectful things you can do for your teen. And remember, that what your teen is sharing is about her and not you. She has a life to figure out and the less you feel inclined to fix her, the more she will open up. Needing to fix is actually a form of judgment, which will break a connection in an instant. Just being available to listen is one of the biggest motivators to inspire your teen to come to you and ask for support, help, or advice.
Well, Parents, I know that staying connected is challenging. But, it´s also vital to the health of your relationship along with your sanity! My hope is that it also now feels a bit simpler. Happy Parenting!
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