When a gift stops becoming a gift
April 1, 2009 by Jody Yarborough · View Comments
If you look up the word “gift” in the dictionary, it reads, “A thing given willingly to someone without payment.” Example: a birthday gift.
But what if someone gives you something you weren’t expecting and don’t really want. What are you supposed to do with it? It is a rare person who will be honest enough to say they don’t like or want the gift, and then give it back. So it can become all too common for our lives to become cluttered with things we never use and yet, we can’t let go of.
I think that when this happens guilt becomes the payment and then a gift stops becoming a gift.
Emotional attachment to things is natural. But it can also be the quicksand for the goal to lead an organized life. Especially when the volume of sentimental belongings in blocking our ability to live a functional and happy life. It can also just take a few items to weigh us down. The statue that your aunt gave you but you think it is so ugly you just stuck it in your guest room, but now you don’t like going into that room at all.
The key question to ask yourself is: What was your aunt’s intention for giving you that statue? Was it her intention that you never use a room in your home again? I say, most absolutely not.
This is a true story from my own life. Two years ago my mom passed away. Before she passed she gave my husband Andrew and I a very powerful, very large food processor because she knew he makes pumpkin pies from scratch. We used it the first year but then after we got married (after she had passed) we were given a red colored Kitchen-Aid processor to match our set of appliances.
We liked and used the Kitchen-aid much more, yet I couldn’t bear to get rid of the one my mom had given us, even though I knew we would never use it. Well, finally a month ago, when going through our overflowing storage unit in the garage, I had to ask myself the same question I posed above: What was my mom’s intention for giving us that processor? Her intention was love. And we loved when we used it but we loved her most of all. And I know she knew that. Keeping that appliance in her memory wasn’t doing any more to feel that love for her, in fact, it was making me feel guilty. And I know my mom wouldn’t have wanted that.
At the end of the day belongings don’t replace people. The real gift of life is life itself and the experiences we share with others. Getting organized and ridding yourself of clutter is the best gift you can give yourself. Live happy, not guilty. Anyone who truly loves you will say the same thing. Even your aunt who gave you the ugly statue.
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