Coach Cassandra Rae

I’m gonna think of myself as this Ninja Girl this week. Thanks for creating her, StephanieFizer!

This week, I finish my life coaching classes.

I’m still trying to get that to sink in.

This week, I finish my life coaching classes.

OK. That’s a start.

I wanted to write about all of the emotions that are coming in from the 20-month journey that has been The Road to a Life Coaching Certificate. It’s gone by in a blink of an eye and a long, drawn-out journey all at the same time. I thought I would be overwhelmingly excited by this blank slate, this new chapter, this empty canvas that I get to color upon. The fact that, as of 7a EDT tomorrow, all of my free time is mine to solely work with clients and build my business is amazingly….scary.

I want to be able to do nothing but celebrate this accomplishment with a happy dance and a big smile and a “It’s time to climb mountains!” attitude. If you asked me a month ago how I’m gonna feel the day classes are over, that’s what I would have said. But I’m now facing something completely different. I’m facing fear. And anxiety. And stress. And yes, a sort of a sigh of release but also a want to stay put. It’s safe and comfy and warm there. Thankfully, at ICA you’re a student for life, so I can keep taking classes whenever I want. But it’s not the same.

With feedback from my family, my friends, & my blog commenters (yes! their opinions mean so much!), I’m starting to think now that it’s the excitement that’s knotting my stomach and keeping me up at night, not the fear. It’s the “What now?” and “What’s next?” and “How’s this gonna work?” that’s playing over and over in my head.

OK, it’s still the fear. Let’s not totally kid ourselves. But even with this feeling of overwhelm, I’m breathing and celebrating and moving forward. In a session last night with a client, I said, “Ya know, I think part of everyone wants a fairy godmother to visit them and say, ‘In 20 years, this works out for you – do it! In 10 years, this does not work out for you – don’t do it!’ But there’s no fairy godmother or magic fortune teller – you’re here to create that, and go through it yourself, and create where you land at the end. That’s the journey.”

I guess I’m off to create now.

Wow. That feels good.

Popularity: 26% [?]

Popularity: 25% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

The secret to networking is to be more interested in the person you’re meeting than yourself.

Job seekers, you hear it daily, “Network to get the job.” An oversimplification because really, networking is the start to building a relationship. Don’t waste your time “speed networking“, handing out your card and blurting out your spiel to anyone with a pulse. That’s the equivalent of randomly applying to jobs on-line.

Forget about yourself. This is counter-intuitive, yet true. And it works just like sex. People can be incredibly sexually satisfied when they become more aware of their partner.

Get your business cards in order and a firm handshake ready. With these 3 questions you can determine who is interesting and worth keeping in touch with:

1. What are you interested in?
2. What are you excited about these days?
3. What are you looking for?

Asking questions puts the other person at ease because you are not another pushy networker and you are interested in what they have to say. Who doesn’t like to talk about their interests and passions? While you’re listening to the answers, process how much you have in common personally, professionally and whether it’s worth continuing the conversation.

Don’t get stuck in “go nowhere” conversations or “grip and grin” speed events. Be curious and end up with a mutual, relevant network.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]

What are the indicators that a relationship is doomed from the start? My list is now clearer – and longer – after today’s experience:

How about when I called him (with my number blocked) because he was 15 minutes late? OK. He was mistaken and thought our date was yet two days away.

What about when the hostess at the restaurant came and found me in the bar to tell me, now 30 minutes later, that he had called for me…from the same restaurant – but in another town? Well, now I’ve invested 45 minutes. I may as well wait a little longer. (I admit it: that, in and of itself, probably deserves some analysis.)

What about when he finally got there and spent the first 15 minutes talking about his ex-wife’s cat? Now I’ve invested an hour and there’s still no food in front of me. (Its name is Simba and it’s yellow…just in case you wondered.)

Or how about when graciously (and appropriately) he went to pick up the tab and his card wouldn’t go through? And when he tried using the ATM in the lobby? Shockingly, still no luck. What about when he called his bank, yes, while I was still sitting at the table, to see if he could figure out the problem?

If you’re still not convinced, how about this? While I was paying for our lunch and he was still on hold with the bank he said, “Do you want to go to lunch again?”

I’m thinking no.

But there is a silver lining: I walked out of the restaurant and immediately got a good friend on the phone so she could be the first to hear my newest stand-up-comic routine on my experiences as a single woman. Aaaaugh!

There’s another silver lining: While I waited that interminable hour-plus, I did a bit of note-taking in the small journal I keep in my purse. (Who knew that thing would come in so handy!?!) Here’s what I wrote:

So, I’m waiting..for a first date. He thought it was two days from now. He’s rushing here – “another 30 minutes,” he says. I’ve decided to wait vs. reschedule. Maybe I should have chosen the latter. Time will tell.

Why is it so hard to wait for things unknown? Not just dates, but other things that really, are far more important? Part of it speaks to my endless attempts to control my life – all details, all minutiae, even all people. I cannot. I know better. And today is clearly proving that point.

So the question now shifts from “why is it so hard to wait? to “am I willing?” For right now, the answer is yes.

Maybe this is an indicator of overall emotional/mental health (if I can blatantly self-diagnose in such a way): being willing to wait without grasping for control; to wait with openness and curiosity. It’s definitely healthier than the easy and well-known alternatives of  frustration, anger, or anxiety.

Some days I do better than others. Today is a good day. I’m sitting in a restaurant bar, drinking a margarita on Cinco de Mayo, and waiting…for what and who, I do not know. But I’ll choose to be healthy: to let go of my need to control; to choose to forego emotions that only drag me down.

Now, the hindsight-is-20-20 reality: he wasn’t worth waiting for. But still, lesson learned (yes, again): I’m not in control. Even so, I can acknowledge and affirm that I have increasingly more capacity and desire to remain open and curious. I’m now asking myself: “Will you choose such again, Ronna, when it’s far more grave than just a lunch date?” Days like today are healthy reminders, excellent object lessons, and just a good kick in the butt. Humbling, but helpful.

Definitely the online date from hell, but I feel encouraged. The odds are slim to none that I could repeat an experience this bad, right? While I shake my head, laugh, wonder,  and hope, the waiting continues – but now with a great new story, a lesson learned (yes, again), a bit of my vice-like grip on control loosened, and one less name and address in my contact list.

You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place. (Anthony Robbins)

Popularity: 14% [?]