Coach Cassandra Rae | SimplyFearless.com » life, etc

How personal do you get?

Cassandra Rae — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:39:00 +0000

So yeah, lots of fear came up with past week. I guess I should be grateful or else I’d have nothing to blog about. *eyes rolling*

No seriously. I am grateful…and sarcastically bitter all at the same time. Hey, my 16 year-old-daughter moved out yesterday to go live with her father full-time. I have every right to be bitter.

Wait a minute. Why am I explaining {read: trying to justify} myself to you?

Good question. I don’t know, but how about I stop now?

Okay.

Are you lost yet? I am just a little bit. But, that’s okay. This is what it’s been like in my head with all this stuff going on in my life.

It’s easy to freak out in the face of such terrifying events like letting go of parenting full-time. But, here’s the thing:

I’ve asked for and received some amazing acts of support, kindness, and love.

And you know what, isn’t this what life and love are really all about?

I haven’t tried to hide my personal crisis. Nope. Instead I’ve shared it and was able to receive the strength from others that I couldn’t muster for myself. I didn’t try to pretend I had it all together. Instead I asked my sister, my dad, and my mom just to hold me while I cried.

And you know what?

They did. They held me and let me cry. What a gift! I didn’t have this kind of support earlier in my life. So when these people held me, they not only held the mother that’s going through hell with her daughter. They held the frightened child. They held the angry teen. They held the lost twenty-something. They held me.

And that, my friend, is beautiful.

So when it comes to sharing your life, your problems, and your fears with your peeps…I encourage you to open up, talk, and ask for what you need. You just might find your colleagues, clients, friends, and families coming together to support and love you just like they all did for me.

To all of you who have reached out to me through this…thank you.

–

Today is Simply Fearless Friday! Blog about one thing you’ve done this past week that’s stretched your comfort zone and then come back here to share the link directly to your blog post. Facing your fears is an absolute must when you are building the business of your dreams. But, you do not have to do it alone. Share your story and I promise to swing on by and leave you a comment. You know you’d love that!

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Abandonment & Family

Cassandra Rae — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:57:23 +0000

Need vs. Want

Jody Yarborough — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:35:18 +0000

Need vs. want.” I used to have this phrase written on a small label and taped to the inside flap of my wallet. At the time my motivation was needing to learn how to live on a smaller budget. But I think the theory applies to not over-purchasing no matter what the motivation.

How many times have you, or your family, filled up a shopping cart at Target before even making it half-way through the store? At Target, for example, I could spend hours leisurely strolling the isles for the latest-and-greatest items and the endcaps for their very tempting bargain items. Many things would find their way into my shopping basket. But before going through the check-out I would ask myself a series of questions that would reduce the number of items I would ultimately take home.

Here is the list of questions to go through:

Is this a need or a want?
Can I live without this?
If I buy it today will it enhance my life today?
Do I have one of these, or something similar to it already?
Does someone have one that I may be able to borrow?

At times I would even ask myself why I am shopping in the first place. Am I shopping out of boredom? Depression? Or am I actually accomplishing a chore, one of many tasks on my to-do list of the day?

Shopping didn’t become less fun when I was forced to run my shopping cart through the filter of these questions. It felt good to know I was being responsible about living within my financial limits. The silver lining though, was it reinforced what I really already knew, that…

…living a plentiful life doesn’t mean living with a lot.

That is a hard lesson to grasp in today’s consumer driven culture. We are constantly bombarded with more choices, bigger sales, new discount stores and outlet centers. A message of value is equated with volume. A third of our national economy relies solely on consumer spending.

I have to admit, occasionally I fall off the wagon. I’ll buy something even though it doesn’t pass my need vs. want criteria. I buy it “just because.” And don’t you know, it never works out doing so. Those “just because” items are the shoes in my closet that I never wear, or the sweater that still has the tag on it, or the picture frames that still don’t have pictures in them.

When I do my semi-annual sweep of unused items from my home, someone at Goodwill will have the opportunity to buy a brand-new pair of shoes, a sweater with its original tag, and a picture frame still wrapped in plastic because I forgot I already had three just like it.

Remember need vs. want. It works.

Teen Finds His Own Family

Cassandra Rae — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:13:31 +0000

Watch CBS Videos Online

When a gift stops becoming a gift

Jody Yarborough — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:00:30 +0000

If you look up the word “gift” in the dictionary, it reads, “A thing given willingly to someone without payment.” Example: a birthday gift.

But what if someone gives you something you weren’t expecting and don’t really want. What are you supposed to do with it? It is a rare person who will be honest enough to say they don’t like or want the gift, and then give it back. So it can become all too common for our lives to become cluttered with things we never use and yet, we can’t let go of.

I think that when this happens guilt becomes the payment and then a gift stops becoming a gift.

Emotional attachment to things is natural. But it can also be the quicksand for the goal to lead an organized life. Especially when the volume of sentimental belongings in blocking our ability to live a functional and happy life. It can also just take a few items to weigh us down. The statue that your aunt gave you but you think it is so ugly you just stuck it in your guest room, but now you don’t like going into that room at all.

The key question to ask yourself is: What was your aunt’s intention for giving you that statue? Was it her intention that you never use a room in your home again? I say, most absolutely not.

This is a true story from my own life. Two years ago my mom passed away. Before she passed she gave my husband Andrew and I a very powerful, very large food processor because she knew he makes pumpkin pies from scratch. We used it the first year but then after we got married (after she had passed) we were given a red colored Kitchen-Aid processor to match our set of appliances.

We liked and used the Kitchen-aid much more, yet I couldn’t bear to get rid of the one my mom had given us, even though I knew we would never use it. Well, finally a month ago, when going through our overflowing storage unit in the garage, I had to ask myself the same question I posed above: What was my mom’s intention for giving us that processor? Her intention was love. And we loved when we used it but we loved her most of all. And I know she knew that. Keeping that appliance in her memory wasn’t doing any more to feel that love for her, in fact, it was making me feel guilty. And I know my mom wouldn’t have wanted that.

At the end of the day belongings don’t replace people. The real gift of life is life itself and the experiences we share with others. Getting organized and ridding yourself of clutter is the best gift you can give yourself. Live happy, not guilty. Anyone who truly loves you will say the same thing. Even your aunt who gave you the ugly statue.

3 Simple Ways for Parents and Teens to Connect

Cassandra Rae — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 23:09:35 +0000

Connecting during the teen years is one of the biggest challenges for teens and parents alike. There are heightened emotions, power struggles, conflicting values, hectic schedules, and technology barriers. But, staying connected is also one of the most important factors. Here are three simple ways you can connect with your teen:

Simple Way #1: Share Something about Yourself
Get the ball rolling in your connection by sharing something about yourself with your teen. You don´t need to share your deepest, darkest secret (in fact, I advise you against it), but please do share something real. You are leading the way in the depth of your connection and believe me, your teen knows when you are being real. You can talk about something that happened at work, a story you heard on the radio, or something you read on the front page of Yahoo (this is a great way to find an interesting topic, by the way!). But, be sure to include how you feel about it or what your thoughts are – something that´s specific to you. Many parents expect their teens to open up without reciprocating. It simply doesn´t work. It´s very important to give what you want to receive in your relationship with your teen. Relationships are two-way streets…even parent/teen ones.

Simple Way #2: Ask an Open Ended Question
Keep the ball rolling in your connection by following up with a thought provoking and interesting question like, “What was the best or worst part of your day?” Simply avoid the standards like, “How are you?” and “How was your day?” You will get one-word answers like “fine” and “boring”. And remember, if you ask a yes or no question, then you will get a yes or no answer and nothing more. Get creative and curious. Dare I say, even playful with your questions!

Simple Way #3: Be Quiet and Listen
Okay, this is quite possibly the most challenging Simple Way because we parents love to give advice, offer solutions, and just plain old talk! But, this is not the time to talk. This is the time to listen. Listening with an open mind and heart is one of the most respectful things you can do for your teen. And remember, that what your teen is sharing is about her and not you. She has a life to figure out and the less you feel inclined to fix her, the more she will open up. Needing to fix is actually a form of judgment, which will break a connection in an instant. Just being available to listen is one of the biggest motivators to inspire your teen to come to you and ask for support, help, or advice.

Well, Parents, I know that staying connected is challenging. But, it´s also vital to the health of your relationship along with your sanity! My hope is that it also now feels a bit simpler. Happy Parenting!

{If you liked this article, then you will love our FR*EE eCourse 7 Simple Ways to Connect. Sign up here}

Family Drive You Crazy? Here are Simple Ways to Prepare for Holiday Gatherings

Cassandra Rae — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:20:19 +0000

The last few times I’ve gotten together with my parents, my dad and I have gotten into an argument and hurt each other’s feelings about something or other. We’ve always easily triggered one another. We’ve gotten along pretty well over the last few years, but lately we seem to be back to some old stuff.

So as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches and I prepare to gather with my extended family, I’ve decided a few things. First of all, I’ve decided that my family of origin (including Dad) is my greatest source of strength and support. Now, this is a bit of a stretch for me because in the past I’ve viewed my family of origin as my greatest source of arguments, hurt feelings, and drama. Of course, there is some truth in that. But, today I have a choice. I get to choose how I view my family. Do I want to view them through the eyes of “I can’t stand you” or through the eyes of love, compassion, and understanding? Of course, I want the latter, so here are a few other things I will be reminding myself of before and during our Thanksgiving celebration:

Take nothing personally
Dad loves you
Say, “Ouch!” if anyone says anything harsh
If you notice hurt feelings of irritation, then excuse yourself and take a quiet moment to..
Love the parts of you that hurt
Your family (including Dad – maybe even especially Dad) wants you to be happy and successful
Plan ahead how much time you are going to spend with extended family and your family at home
Follow through with your plans

There’s one other thing I need to do to prepare to step into all of these powerful perspectives and I call it “Say it like it is”. I am going to sit down at my computer and type all of the things I don’t want to think or feel about my Dad. I’m going to allow everything to flow out of my head, through my fingers, and into the document on my computer. I’m not going to worry about typos or making sense. I’m just going to free-type. I’m not going to think stuff through as I type and if any judgment comes up in the process I simply type that too. It’s kind of like opening up the door to my inner closet of uncomfortable and undesirable thoughts and feelings. I’m always surprised at what comes out (that was inside of me?!) But, I know without a doubt that the more I air it out, the easier my Thanksgiving family gathering will be.

You see, we all have yucky feelings about people we love. It comes with the territory whether you like it or not. The more we deny the yuck, the more it piles up and the more power it has over us. In fact, most of us, walk through life denying the yuck and storing it away in deep, dark places within. When we get really full, then inappropriate behaviors and hurtful words spill out in the absolute worst moments turning the most important events in life to some of the most hurtful – like holiday gatherings.

So this year you have a choice. How are you going to view your family? Take some time to make a conscious decision about which eyes you’re going to look through, what you will say and do if a tense situation comes up, and how much time you are going to invest. If you need to, sit down at your computer and type out your “Say it like it is” thoughts and beliefs to clear your inner closet. And then go and enjoy your holiday, your family, and yourself!